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Archive for the ‘life’ Category

I Wanna See You Dance Again

This morning I drove into work listening to Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon” with a pink and purple sky surrounding me.  It was a fantastic way to start the day.  I realized, I think for the first time, that I made the right decision moving to the seacoast area and changing careers.  It just finally felt right.  Yes, I’ve been happy with the new job and the lack of stress that has come with it, but today I felt light in my heart.  Happy, carefree.  Like I am headed in the right direction.  It has been a long time coming.

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On My Mind

1.  I may be the only person in New England who doesn’t give a damn about the Super Bowl.  The only reason I might watch it is for the commercials and even those aren’t as exciting as they once were.  Also, one of my biggest pet peeves is when a sports team fan refers to the team as “us” or “we”.  As in, “We’re going to the Super Bowl,” or “We have a better offensive line than they do”.   Are you on the team?  No.  So, stop staying “we”.  You have nothing to do with it.  End of story.

2.  Global warming.  Okay, it is the first of February and it is 50 degrees here in Maine.  This ain’t right.  Don’t get me wrong, I like this heat wave we are having, but I haven’t gone sledding or skiing once the winter.  It is strange.  My winter boots are feeling neglected.

3.  Downton Abbey.  Seriously, who knew that I would ever look forward to watching Masterpiece Theater on a Sunday night.   That show is fantastic.  If you aren’t watching it, you should be.  What are  you waiting for?

4.  Zumba and Nia.  I am back to Zumba.  God, I missed dancing.  I have so much fun at class, I don’t know why I stopped.  I also signed up for a Nia workshop in March.  A local dance teacher is hosting the workshop, so I am hoping that classes will soon be offered here.  Right now, if I want to take a Nia class I have to drive 45 minutes.  Hence the reason I began taking Zumba.

5.  The Artist.  Have you seen this movie?  So good.  Seriously.  Go see it.  Also, half-way through the movie I just started cracking up because all I could think was how the dog could win an Oscar for “Best  Supporting Actor” and how pissed off Christopher Plummer would be if he lost to a dog.

6.  Why is America so obsessed with The Bachelor?  Someone please explain this to me.  I don’t get it.  The dude has the worst haircut in the world and the girls are the most annoying superficial group of women I have ever met.  Also, why doesn’t it bother any of them that this guy is shoving his tongue down the throats of like 30 different women?

Okay, that is all.

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Forgive me readers, for I have sinned.  It has been over a month since my last post.  I don’t know a whole lot about the blogging world and its rules and regulations, but I do know if I want to build a sturdy base of followers posting once a month is not the way to do it.  I make no excuses.  Instead I will take the easy way out and give you the bulleted list of what I have been doing and what my next big plans are.

  • I just recently discovered the world of Flavia de Luce.  I am on the second book right now and have the other two loaded up on my brand spanking new Kindle Fire.  I am loving these books- they are the perfect Christmas vacation read.  She is a little spitfire. I highly recommend them to anyone, especially those that loved Ramona Quimby and Harriet the Spy.
  • I just recently got a new camera.  I have signed up for some classes so that I can actually learn how to use this thing.  I have always been fascinated with photography and hope to develop this hobby into something.  Here is the first picture I took.  I am kind of proud of it and can’t wait for the day that I look back at this picture and laugh at my inability to take a good picture.
  • I’ve started experimenting in jewelry making.  I have made some earrings and rings and necklace pendants.  Again, this is a  hobby I hope to develop.  I love making jewelry with a certain person and style in mind.
  • Dating.  I have gone on A LOT of first dates since I moved to this area.  Most of these have not led to second dates.  Although right now I have started seeing someone who I think has a lot of potential.  Two dates so far.  That’s all I am saying.  Don’t want to jinx anything, but I like him.  That’s all.
  • The holidays.  This year it is just me and my dad.  The rest of my family is in California.  I am spending Christmas Eve with some friends, so that will be fun, but Christmas will be strange.  Small, quiet, and a little awkward.  I plan on making some eggplant parm. and have The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on dvd to watch with my old man (I gave him the books last year and he loved them) in case things get too strained and we run out of things to say.  The cribbage board is also waiting.
  • Dieting.  I am back on a diet.  It has been going well, but man, it is hard to diet around the holidays.  So far, I have been pretty strong.  I am allowing myself a hiatus on the 24th and 25th, but that is all.  I have been doing Zumba here and there as well.  I love it.  So much fun.  I think a lot has to do with my secret love of poppy dance music.

And that pretty much sums things up for now.  See you again next month.  Kidding.  I think.

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We Can Do It!

Halloween 2011 007 by l_mazzola
Halloween 2011 007, a photo by l_mazzola on Flickr.

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There are times when being single doesn’t bother me.  Really.  I love the freedom of being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want.  I love having my house to myself and not having to share my bathroom, my space, my thoughts with anyone else.  I like never having to consult someone or take their feelings into consideration when I make a big decision (like moving, changing jobs etc).  And yet….

A few weeks ago I was invited to a party that one of my oldest and dearest friends from my college days was having.  At first I was really excited to go and was looking forward to seeing all these old friends, some of whom I haven’t seen in a long time.  However, as the RSVPs started coming in on Facebook, I got this sinking feeling.  Everyone going was married and all but two of those couples had children.  And of those two couples, one was pregnant.

All of sudden I didn’t want to go.

I would literally be the ONLY single person there.  I can be single and hang out with a couple, but to be single and hang out with thirty couples?  It is a bit much.  It isn’t that these friends make me feel bad or say things to me like, “When are you going to get married and have kids?”  (Well, some of them do, but not most of them, at least not the ones who know me well and know they would get punched in the face for saying such things).  It is all my shit and how I feel. How stupid and insecure and  inadequate I feel about arriving alone, leaving alone.  How I leave those kind of situations feeling worse about myself and that I am going to end up being that friend who never settled down, the one who everyone secretly feels sorry for.

So all week I have been struggling with whether I was going to go or not.  And then last night I got a text, the party was cancelled because it is supposed to rain all weekend.  Decision made.  I wish I felt better about the whole thing though.

 

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Finding My Place

I haven’t really posted about the new job because I am not sure what to say about it.  I had been at my previous job for eight years.  I was in a supervisory position as the head of the English department.  I had a definite voice at the school and at the risk of sounding full of myself, people listened when I spoke.  I used to sometimes have to hide when I really, really needed to get something done because people stopped by my room all day long with questions, concerns and seeking advice.  The principals, vice-principals and myself got along well.  I could be my complete self with them, never felt like I had to put my guard up around them or censor myself.  I am not saying I was unprofessional, because I don’t think I was, but I could be frank with them and still be taken seriously.    I loved my bosses, which helped make up for the long hours and the frustrations that come with teaching.  I changed careers because I resented how much of my own personal life that teaching consumed.  I did not like bringing my work home with me.

So, yes, I love that when I step out of the building at 2:55 I am 100% done with work.  I can go home and take the dogs for a walk, go shopping, read a book, go out to dinner, whatever and I never have to feel guilty about papers not being graded or panic because I don’t know what I am going to do with my period 3 class the next day.  This is good.  I love this.  I love having freedom and time to myself and weekends that are wide open to head to Vermont for a camping trip.

But I sort of feel like a nobody at work.  Nobody looks to me for input, instead they ask me to laminate things.  I can’t get a good read on the principal and where I stand with him, so for now I am sticking to the “good morning, how are you?”  small talk.  Nobody is waving me into their office just to vent about something or laugh at how incredibly moronic teenagers can be at times.  I taught AP seniors for six years, those are the smartest kids in the school, I taught them and I taught them well.  And now I babysit kids during the study halls and loan out VCRs (VCRs?? for Christ’s sake, can you find something a little more current to show your students perhaps?)

I have been trying to reach out to the faculty and let them know they can use me as a resource, but I think in the past their librarian was not very helpful and so they are not sure how to use me or what for.  I know it is still very early in the year and I need to give it a little time, but it is a struggle.  I want my free time, I want my own life that doesn’t always revolve around work, but I also want to feel that what I do is valuable and that I am making a contribution to this world.

 

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Reminder

I am the world’s biggest procrastinator.  If I have something due, I will decide that it is a good time to rearrange all my furniture or clean out that closet or organize the basement.  I hate this about myself.  I am working on making a conscious effort to stop putting off all those things that I need to do, like mailing in my certification application or completing that grad. school application.  I try and follow the “if it will take five minutes or less, then just do it” rule, but when it comes to those things that I know will consume more time, I put it off and put if off until I really can’t put if off any longer.  This is not a good plan to live by.  It amounts in unnecessary panic and stress and great amounts of bitchiness on my part.  Not exactly the way I wish to live.  So, if you will excuse me, I have some shit to do.

 

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